Kali in Wonderland
by SmurfsTasteGoodOnToast
Summary: When Kali was little she had a dream that she went to a magical place called Wonderland. As she grew up, playing pretend went away. However, when she "has another dream" where the inhabitants of Wonderland are all trapped in their own personal prisons, a disbeliever might be the only one who can save the home of magic and wonder.
1. Tea Parties and the Rabbit Hole

Kali sat bored at the tea party. She couldn't even slouch because of the corset, but she did her best not to let that bother her. She was a _lady_ after all. She was a lady who was _engaged_. Her engagement party to Balder. She was totally happy where she was. _Completely. Happy._ Except for inside, but she hadn't been happy there for as long as she could remember, so it didn't matter. She smiled and nodded as Balder's mother, Naomi, asked her to go on a stroll through the hedge maze with her.

"Is there something you wish to discuss with me, Madam?" Kali asked politely once they were alone.

"I just wanted to say how happy I am to see Balder marrying you," said Naomi with a animal-like smile. "Such a polite woman, and very obedient. He never wanted anything else in a woman."

Kali was use to comments like that by that point. She also knew how to give them right back. "I am a lucky woman. You must have been too considering you husband must have wanted the exact opposite." _A heinous bitch._

Naomi caught her drift. _He enjoyed someone who had her own mind, thank you. _"He did and we are as happy as I'm sure you and Balder will be."

_Happy? What's that?_ Kali thought darkly. Thoughts of the sort were not uncommon, but she never dared express them. "Then I'm sorry for your loss with Zachariah's passing."

She sighed. "Yes, he was a very," compliant "good husband that I will always miss. I wish you a better fortune."

"Thank you," Kali nodded. "If you'll excuse me, I must," get away from this conversation and _you_, "return to the party."

"Of course," Naomi nodded with an acid smile.

But as Kali walked back through the maze, a few turns out of Naomi's view, a rabbit ran by her. A very peculiar rabbit with a waistcoat saying that it was late. Kali blinked her eyes to try to clear them. Surely she was imagining this? But it was still there. Still there as, against her better judgment, she followed it through the maze. All the way to a dead end and then...it was gone. Kali walked forward slowly. Had she been imagining it? That...that must have been it. She imagined the whole thing. She should just turn and go back to the party...

Kali walked forward, all the way, right to the dead end...and then the ground dropped out below her feet.

Gabriel could sense something. Sense her... Oh but his addled brain was too far gone to care at this point. He'd been here too long, could barely remember what long was, what time was. Because well, he couldn't remember when it all started or when or how. But it didn't mater because it was teatime (it was always teatime) and it was his birthday! Or was it his unbirthday? Did it matter? Every day was a new day, a new celebration. Horray!

But today was different, he needed to think. He could never think, and he would get distracted about how he couldn't think. So he wouldn't do that! Damnit. Kali. That's what he was thinking about. Kali.

"Kali!" he exclaimed to the others at the table. It was one of his few moments of clarity. He wanted more of them... but they were getting less and less frequent. When had the last one been? "I've gotta...I've gotta...Shit, what do I gotta do? Something about Kali, I had it, I had it and then it just...just poofed!" he laughed. His friends, he didn't remember their names but they were friends, right?, never liked it when he was clear like this.

Sometimes he thought if he could just get away from them and from the tea parties he'd be able to remember it again.

Maybe it was something in the tea.

But every time he thought something like that, well, thoughts stopped all together.

Kali thought she must have hit her head and was dreaming. There was no other way to explain the weird place she'd stumbled into. It was like a forest, but instead of trees there were giant blades of grass. The colours seemed surreal, like carnival rides instead of nature. It was mad! And it was...empty. It seemed like not a single creature inhabited the dreary place. _This isn't how I remember it._ The thought came without her permission. But that...couldn't be true. She had never been to the place before in her life!

Right as she was contemplating the strange phenomenon, she finally heard a noise. Wandering towards it she found what seemed to be a tea party, with actual people there! Maybe they would have some answers. _What a relief._ She strolled over despite the fact that she wanted to run (but ladies don't run, so she refrained). "Excuse me. Do you know where I am?" she asked the man at the head of the table. He seemed...oddly familiar.

"No one knows where they are!" said Gabriel cheerfully. "We tea and we drink and whatever we do, we never think." he laughed with the others. "Have some tea! It is your unbirthday, my dear, is it not? I think it might be mine, too."

Kali sat in the seat next to him, it would be rude not to, but...what? "What is an 'unbirthday'?"

"Well it's all in the grammar, you see," said the man with an insane, loopy grin that didn't fit him somehow. "It's an unbirthday. You have 364 of them a year, so celebrate!" he threw the teacup in the air and it smashed on the table, but it wasn't like it mattered as another appeared in front of him to take the destroyed one's place.

Kali jumped back a little bit. It would be rude to approach his party and then decline a drink offered, but she wanted to get out of there as fast as possible. _Just a sip. Then I can excuse myself,_ she figured.

Kali took a sip from the full teacup in front of her (when had that gotten there?) and then...Why had she been thinking of leaving? She could feel her eyes unfocus and a matching loopy grin come onto her face as she drank more of the tea. It was delicious! She laughed loudly once she'd finished her cup. "Yes of course, three hundred and sixty four! It's a shame I have a birthday, or I could have one unbirthday more!"

**A/N: Yay, new fanfiction I really don't have time to write! But am I being smart? No, I'm writing it anyway!**

**Just like Slaves and Monsters, this fic is biased off my RP with TrueLovesKis5. And because of aforementioned lack of time, it'll probably only go for as long as people are interested, so make sure to review. :) **

**(I hope that didn't come off in a 'REVIEW OR ELSE' way because I just really don't have time to waist on something people aren't reading so that's why I need to know if there's actually a point in continuing this or not okay bye)**


	2. The Hatter and His Brother

Gabriel nodded in agreement. But...Something seemed wrong about this. Very wrong. Another clear spot? Two in one day? That was funny. He just needed another sip of tea to clear that, but something stopped him. His amber eyes almost focused for a second before fuzzying out again. "A birthday is such a droll occasion, why have one when you could have three hundred and sixty four!"

Kali bounced in her seat like a child as she shook her head in agreement, "Oh yes! But if there were three hundred and sixty four birthdays, then there would be only _one_ unbirthday when the year was over and done!"

He nodded in agreement. "They're coming for us and we will die of nothingness until nothingness dies and we are free but until then we have 363 days to celebrate. Get the hells out of here." His eyes fully cleared and he managed to push her out of her seat. _DAMNIT!_ "Run! Run like the wind, Kali! Or I think you must be a Kali. Don't you see a Kali? She looks like a Kali to me, but almost not. She's almost-Kali."

When Kali hit the ground she just laughed and rolled over onto her back to look up at him. "Kali is my name, but why would I want to leave a place so jolly?"

"Jolly is folly," said Gabriel harshly. "When it is all a lie.''

Kali's mind was still swimming in the tea, lost. She had never rolled on the ground before, not since she was just a child. _Hair and dress and limbs spread a mess!_ It felt nice. She wanted to stay like that forever. With her tea and her strange man and her bubbling joy. "Lie or not, it's better than what I've got."

This...made him feel bad for some reason. Time for some tea. He took a long sip of it and found his mind delightfully cleared again. _Mmmmm, that's better._

She reached up to him. "Up, up, up! Help me sit up, my head is spinning." _Pleasantly._ But she didn't feel the need to say that since everything was pleasant at the moment!

Gabriel helped her up, pulling her straight into his lap. "I think I remember you. I don't remember anything, though. So I must not. Do you ever think and realize that your life is running away like sand in-between your fingers and you can't get it back?" His voice had suddenly gotten really fast and hysterical. "...Tea?"

Kali liked her funny man and didn't want to move. She liked how she was. Though if she moved she'd like how she was then too, but at the moment she liked how she was. "But in between you and the tea is me. You'd have to move me to and fro and I just don't want to go."

And there was something that he'd learned a long time ago that was now ticking at his mind, and he just hadn't wanted to admit it to himself because it had been so easy to forget, but something about her... "There's something in the tea. Don't drink."

Kali tilted her head as confusion read across her face. "But why not drink? It makes it so easy not to think!" if it was possible her grin got wider as she threw her head back and sighed. Not thinking was perfect. She didn't have to think about manners or politeness or if she was being perfectly proper. She didn't have to be perfect when she couldn't think enough to try.

Gabriel's mind felt like it was exploding. Something was wrong, something was so wrong with this.

And why was he kissing her? How did that even happen? He wondered what his friend Balthazar thought about that...and found he couldn't think much for a second. Though that wasn't new, this inability felt different.

Wasn't she engaged? Kali wondered. Well, obviously, it didn't matter. Nothing was wrong with the kiss. If it was wrong then it wouldn't be happening. And she was quite pleased it was happening! Everything about life was pleasing and joyful and...oh, he wasn't kissing her anymore. That was happy making too!

The kiss had given him enough time to actually wake up for once by not letting him have time to get another sip. But he waned another sip of tea...Really he did...Just like a drug. But he couldn't. Not now that he had escaped it, even for a minute. "Balt," he said, hitting his brother. Brother! He was a brother, not a friend, how had Gabriel forgotten that? His brain would probably never be normal, but he felt much better. He pushed Kali into the other seat again.

Kali instinctively reached out for the full cup of tea in front of her. Why would she ever _not_ want it when it did this to her? Gave her this feeling! Not that it would wear out for her any time soon. Unlike Gabriel, who had built up a tolerance and needed an almost constant flow, Kali had just started and would be happily bubbly for a while before she needed more to hang onto the feeling.

"No." He took the tea and flung it into the woods. "Balt!?" He shook his brother's shoulders to try to wake him as Balt was sleeping soundly, head on the table. As he had been for a while. Gabe hoped he wasn't screwed up, he hoped that everyone wasn't screwed up. Why hadn't he woken up before? Gabriel's breathing quickened. He could only hope that Balt was okay... How had he not noticed that before? Had he just been talking to himself all this time?

"No?" Kali looked at him like she wasn't sure what the word meant, but then she reached out for the full cup of tea in front of her.

He threw this next teacup into the woods as well. "Yes, don't drink it, it's bad for you."

"That makes me sad. How can this possibly be bad?" she asked as she turned in her chair and laid back to where her torso now rested on his legs, and closed her eyes.

Gabriel's mind was racing for the first time in years. What now? Was there even a way out of here? And could he drag Kali and Balt? He tried shaking his brother again, and then tried to pull them both out of the clearing, to the grass forest. He was weak, though, he hadn't actually walked or ran in a long time, or he thought it was a long time. "Come on...Wake up, one of you?"

Kali opened one eye. "I wasn't asleep," she giggled, "but I didn't move or make a peep!"

He groaned, "Kali, get the hells up! I know you're high off your ass, but get up." He was serious for now; his brain was going pretty clearly. It was a strange feeling, but he didn't have time to adjust. He just knew that he had to get all three of them _out_ of there.

Kali did get up, and started skipping next to him. "My name! My name! You knew my name! But when you said it, it didn't sound the same!"

Gabriel laughed inexplicably. "The Red Queen will kill us all and you'll forget about names. For now we need to get out. The hounds are coming, I smell them before they smell me, it's a glee." His eyes switched to an unhinged look, not that Kali noticed.

She shook her head, "A Queen with hounds sounds mean. But a Queen can't be mean because she's a Queen!"

"Sure she can. She's a bitch." He bounced back to sanity.

"I know you said she has a hound, and of that creature I don't like the sound, but a Mean Queen and a bitch aren't the same as a Mean Queen and a witch," she babbled on happily.

"What does that even mean?" growled Gabriel, wondering if he'd made that little sense all this time. He pulled the three of them against a particularly wide blade of grass, and hoped that nothing would happen. That the hound would pass without spotting them. The grass forest had a way of losing scents that was annoying for a hound, but a blessing for anyone running from it. "Balt...Kali...Stop being high. It's rude to annoy the guest." Well technically she was the guest, but he didn't really know much about manners and that sounded okay so he'd stick with that.

Kali laid her head on his shoulder. "You're my funny man, but you're not being funny, you're being pull-y."

He sighed and wrapped his arms around her waist. "Well I can't do anything 'til you sober up, kay?"

"Okay. I like this. I like everything," she laughed. "The world is lovely when your mind doesn't work."

"Yeah, and then it's terrible," he replied. "Oh my dad, Balt, do I have to put salt up your nose? Wake the hells up!" He kicked Balt lightly in the face.

Kali shook her head, not really processing that Balt was even there. "I don't want it to be terrible again."

"Okay, Kali." He sighed. He knew if the excitement died down he'd fall back into his insanity so he had to keep thinking. He tightened his grip around her for a second without thinking about it, and said "It'll be fine. But why are you here? You were supposed to run and leave me behind, remember?" _And you did and that had hurt. Maybe that's why I let myself feel nothing for so long. Or it could have been the whole being drugged thing._

"I wasn't here before. I've never had this dream before," Kali insisted. She could feel herself returning, but she didn't want to pull away from him just yet. She clung to the last strings of the fuzziness before she had to return to being a 'nice young lady'.

He'd been so young last time but he still remembered her face, or he thought he did. He patted her back one last time and pulled away from her, picking up Balt. God, how long had he been like this? "Balt?" Gabe was kind of freaking out now. Why wasn't his brother waking up? He felt tears prick his eyes, but more out of terror than sadness.

Balt...let out a big snore. He wasn't dead or anything, just asleep.

Kali blinked several times as her mind cleared fully. "Ew, why am I sitting on the ground?" she jumped up to her feet.

Gabriel wrinkled his nose at her before looking back to his brother. Snoring. Snorgin was good. It was movement. Change. _Oh phew, Balt..._ "Finally up, you idiot."

"What happened? Who are you exactly?" Kali asked him. Something was wrong here, really wrong. She should have noticed it earlier. She _would_ have if it wasn't for the tea.

"They call me the mad hatter!" Gabriel did a mocking, sweeping bow.

"Kali," she introduced herself politely with a small curtsy. "Do you know where we are? I've been awfully confused since I fell down this rabbit hole."

He shrugged. "That's the thing about Wonderland. Everyone's mad and you won't get any answers. Instead, try to walk without knowing."

"I'm not mad," Kali said with offense. "Can you not just point me in the direction of how to get home please?"

Gabe snickered. "All directions lead to the same place, and it ain't home. But I can take you to the Red Queen's palace."

"Would she be able to help me?" And not be annoyingly confusing.

"Help you? Probably not, but she's your best chance." _If she doesn't cut off your head._

"And how can I trust you?" Kali asked skeptically. "I accepted your invitation for tea and I'm not sure _what_ happened after that." _Happiness, that's what. And I want it back._

"Drugs!" Exclaimed Gabriel cheerfully. "But you're kind of dull with them," _or without them too it seems, _"so let's not try that again. You should accept my help because I'm the only one who knows the way."

Kali bit the inside of her lip. "Fine," _No Kali, be polite. You always have to be polite. _"Thank you," she added.

"Very right, I'll find someone to do that," Gabe nodded.

What the heck did he mean? "Pardon?"

"You said 'thank you'. It's like 'fuck you', right? But the grammar doesn't make any sense and it's all wobbly wobbly, is my head on straight? I think it might be crooked."

Kali's eyes widened at his swear. "Of course not. That's completely different." Like she would ever say something like that!

He looked confused. "What is? Oh whatever, let's get going."

"Lead the way," she nodded, glumly. She could tell this wasn't going to be a pleasant trip.

**A/N: IDK what to say so we're going to go straight to thanking my review people! Or person in this case:**

**Imagine88 (What twitter page? XD You know, I had decided "hey, this got no reviews, I'm not going to continue, meh" and then I got yours and I was like "Well it is only one so..." and then it was you and here we are in chapter two and that rhymed)**

**So yeah, if anyone's reading this and wants to see a chapter 3 you know what to do.**


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